Okay, now you probably won't eat it. But that's what my kids call it, thanks to a Theophilized pronunciation about three years ago.
But if I tell you that they all fight over who gets the last piece of "toe food," will you try it then?
So, here's how I make tofu that my kids fight over:
I usually use extra-firm tofu. I cut it up into whatever-sized pieces I like, and I place the pieces between several layers of paper towels.
Then I put a flat, heavy weight on it.
. . . adding extra weight if necessary.
While it's being pressed, I get the ingredients for the glaze.
I usually use something salty, something sweet, and something to make it interesting. This time, that happened to be soy, mirin, and miso, but I'm also a big fan of soy, pineapple juice, and garlic.
I use only about an ounce or two of each. (No more than an ounce of soy--otherwise it'll be inedibly salty.) Sometimes I remember to add minced ginger, too.
So, after the tofu has been pressed for a few minutes, . . .
. . . it looks pretty much exactly like it did before. It's not even all that much flatter. But it is drier, and that's a good thing, since I'll be frying it in hot oil.
This is one of the few things I prefer to use a non-stick pan for.
I heat up the oil (I use a good bit--maybe a quarter cup?) and put the pressed tofu pieces in a single layer (this is important).
I give it a little shake every minute or so, to make sure the tofu doesn't stick. It is extremely splattery, even if you've carefully dried it off, so I 1) don't let the kids "help" with this one, and 2) don't cook this on a day after Stephen mops the kitchen floor.
Tofu is like pancakes--you only flip it once.
Once the pieces get good and golden on the one side, flip them all over.
Still in single layers, see? And I still do that little shake-the-pan thing to keep it from sticking.
And then when that side is golden, too, I add the glaze.
It gets bubbly pretty fast.
I don't worry about flipping the pieces to get both sides coated. I just give the pan a little shake until the pieces are coated.
Soon--three or four minutes, tops--the liquid will be reduced to a glaze-type consistency. You have to pull the pan off the heat as soon as it gets there, otherwise you'll very quickly find yourself with a gloppy, ugly goop that doesn't make anyone happy.
And then it's ready to serve!
You could serve it with, like, double-bacon-cheese fries and ranch dressing, but I think people usually aim for a healthier meal when they cook tofu. I went with roasted broccoli and a nut pilaf.
I'm not saying it gotten eaten faster than cheese fries and ranch, but it did get gobbled respectably quickly.